From bitter to better…how did that happen?

Just to add some variety to my ole life, last week’s depression has see-sawed to feeling just about all right. Where exactly was this switch that I inadvertently flipped from sad to good and how can I ensure I find it the right time I feel like I am shuffling along in the dark? 

I would like to attribute this to hormones. But honestly, given my irregular cycles, I can not track what my body is doing from one week to the next. After I went off the pill two years and we started to TTC I used to think my breasts were telling me something. They were sore…maybe I am pregnant (yay!) or my period was about to start. But this suretell hormonal sign seemed to pop up all over the place with no real pattern. Except both times when I was pregnant. Then they were emphatically sore and for good reason. 

So cross off hormones. Last week I felt I was putting on the mask and acting a role. The professional work face to match my suit. See me trying to entertain friends and act normal at dinner. The (sometimes) happy homemaker hanging out with my husband. Now, I have a sense of humour again. No tears, no moping, no facade.

Some of this emotional flip came from a conversation I had with a coworker, who recently decided to pursue being a mother. She just turned 39 and just had a very early miscarriage. She was only in the know about being pregnant for one day after taking the test when her period was a few days late. Even in that day, she and her husband (who was not convinced until that moment about the whole-having-the-baby thing) were excited, hopeful and emotionally attached. It won’t be easy for her to get pregnant and to stay that way. Doctors have told her this in the past. Despite this fleeting feeling of becoming a parent, her medical challenges and her age, she is hopeful that it is gonna happen. She is going to have a baby. How can I not feel better and be inspired by an attitude like that?